Desperate for marriage; I regret slaying for too long.

I never knew a day would come when I would be desperate for marriage until i entered by late thirties yet no boyfriend.

When I started dating back in SHS I noticed all the men that expressed interest in me were either way older than I am or married. I became used to the gifts and attention I got from these mature men so it didn’t come as a surprise to me when I realized older men were my taste.

Men would often fight over me but I wouldn’t blame them because fortunately or unfortunately I was blessed both behind and in front. I had the Kim Kardashian kind of body.

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I lost my both parents at a young age and growing up was a struggle. I suffered maltreatment from my Antie and sexual abuse from a few family members I stayed with. At the age of 19, I had to run away from my abusive family and start life on my own.

I perched with friends while working as a shop attendant. Male customers who walked into our phone shop would often fall for my beauty and propose. They were all after my body.

I took advantage of their lust and at a point, I was managing about 3 to 5 sugar daddies. The streets had turned me into a bad girl but being a bad girl really paid.

Life was good and with the money I got from my sugar daddies, I put myself through the university. To be honest my banging body opened more doors for me than prayer did.

I rejected a lot of my age mates that came my way because they couldn’t afford the kind of life I wanted to live. Anything that had to do with stress I counted myself out.

Age caught up with me fast and I realised I wasn’t attracting the big men anymore. Life after University wasn’t tough either because I got some connections to a good-paying job thanks to the special gift I carry behind me.

After playing around with people’s husbands and wreaking havoc in homes, for once in my life, I wanted something serious with someone much younger. One thing I learned over the years of “preman” life was it never lasts. Eventually, all the men leave to go be with their wives. The few ones that come my way do so with unrealistic demands.

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Reality dawned on me when I hit age 36 and couldn’t name one man as my serious boyfriend, I had run through several relationships that always led to disaster. Even relationships I decided to invest my time, energy and money took me nowhere.

My last attempt at a serious relationship made me close my heart to the possibility of ever settling. Even though I have made peace with the fact that I may die alone without a partner, deep down within I am desperate for marriage.

My heart skips a beat anytime I hear of a colleague getting married or having kids. At some point, I even decided to have kids with a responsible man at least and stay by myself but nothing is working. I’m turning 37 soon and the pressure to settle down derails my mental health by the day.

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